Losing someone to suicide is a profoundly painful and complex experience. It can leave you with a whirlwind of emotions: grief, confusion, anger, guilt, loneliness, and deep sadness.
You are not alone, and there is support available for you.
Understanding your grief
Everyone’s experience is different, and no matter how you experience grief it is personal to you. We know that people who are bereaved by suicide are more likely to have suicidal thoughts themselves. This shows how important it is to take care of yourself and reach out for help.
Grief after suicide is often layered and complicated. You might be asking:
- Why did this happen?
- Could I have done something differently?
- How do I talk about this with others?
- Will I ever feel okay again?
These questions are natural. Looking back and seeking to understand is a natural response. It can help to approach this from a mindset of understanding, rather than blame. No one can change what has already happened.
Allow yourself to have a bad day. You may sometimes feel a lack of control, loss of confidence, or hopeless. Each person is allowed to grieve in their own way, at their own pace.
Talking openly in a safe space is important. It is hard, but there are people who will listen in a non-judgemental way that will allow you to process and grow.
You will adapt and adjust to this loss in your life over time in your own way. In time, you will be able to revisit the good memories you have of your loved one, and not focus only on the way their life ended.
There is no right way to grieve, and healing doesn’t follow a timeline. What matters most is that you have space to feel, to talk, and to be supported.
Taking care of yourself
Here are some ways to look after yourself through this process:
- Talk to someone
Whether it’s a friend, therapist, or peer support group, sharing your experience can help ease the burden. Spending time with people who have had similar experiences can help you realise that you’re not alone.
- Allow your emotions
There is no wrong feeling in grief. Anger, sadness, numbness, and even relief are all valid. You may experience all of these at once, or move back and forth between different emotions.
- Avoid isolation
It is normal to find connecting with others hard, but you don’t have to go through this alone. Connection is a powerful healer.
- Seek professional support
Therapists trained in bereavement and trauma can help you process your loss safely.
- Take care of your body
Rest, eat, move gently. Your physical wellbeing matters too.
Self-help guides and resources
These self-help guides and resources provide information, understanding, and practical tools to help you process and heal at your own pace.
- Suicide Prevention Scotland’s I’ve Been Bereaved By Suicide offers information, support, and the stories of other people who have been bereaved by suicide.
- Samaritans’ Signs You May Be Struggling To Cope guide explains what to look out for in yourself if you’re finding everyday life hard.
Find support
Here are a range of helplines, organisations and services designed to support people who have lost someone to suicide.
Helplines
Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide (SOBS) run a helpline for adults impacted by suicide loss.
Call: 0300 111 5065
Opening hours: Monday to Sunday, 9am-7pm
Samaritans provide a free, confidential phone service offering support to anyone in emotional distress, struggling to cope or at risk of suicide.
Call: 116 123
Opening hours: 24 hours a day, 7 days a week
CALM is a free, confidential phone service offering support to anyone in emotional distress, struggling to cope or at risk of suicide.
Call: 0800 58 58 58
Opening hours: 5pm to Midnight
Shout is a free, confidential, 24/7 text support service for anyone in the UK who is struggling to cope.
Text: SHOUT to 85258
Opening hours: 24 hours a day, 7 days a week
If you work in the Scottish agriculture industry, you can also call the RSABI Helpline on 0808 1234 555, email helpline@rsabi.org.uk or chat with them online.
Organisations and services
These organisations provide support for people who have lost someone to suicide:
- PETAL Support provide online bereavement counselling, psychotherapy, practical and emotional support for anyone bereaved by suicide.
- Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide (SOBS) offer peer-led support to adults impacted by suicide loss.
- The Canmore Trust provide safe spaces and peer support for people impacted by suicide.
- Cruse Scotland (Bereavement Support) offer free, confidential support from trained bereavement volunteers.
- Support After Suicide provide resources, stories, and guidance for people bereaved by suicide.
If you work in the Scottish agriculture industry, you can also call the RSABI Helpline on 0808 1234 555, email helpline@rsabi.org.uk or chat with them online.