Checking in with someone is a small gesture that can make a big difference. It shows you care and that they’re not alone, even if they’re not ready or able to talk yet.
When someone is struggling, talking can feel overwhelming. A gentle, no-pressure check-in helps create a sense of safety and support, without expecting them to explain how they feel. Over time, this can build trust and make it easier for them to reach out when they are ready.
Even a simple message can help ease feelings of isolation and remind someone that they matter. You don’t need the perfect words or solutions, just showing up and letting them know you’re there can be enough.
Prepare for the conversation
- Choose a good time and place for them – for some, this might be while you’re doing something else together, for others they may like to be focused without distractions.
- Plan what you want to say – it may help to write down a few thoughts.
- Find out about extra support – having a sense of other places they can get support, like their GP, a counsellor or a helpline may help you feel more prepared.
How to start
- “I’ve noticed you don’t seem yourself. How are things?”
- “I just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing.”
- “You don’t have to share anything you don’t want to, but I’m here to listen.”
When they are talking
- Listen without interrupting or rushing to fix things
- Be comfortable with pauses and silence
- Take what they say seriously, even if you do not fully understand it
- Thank them for trusting you
Things to avoid
- Saying “just stay positive” or “it could be worse”
- Comparing their feelings to your own or someone else’s
- Pressuring them to talk if they are not ready
If the conversation feels difficult
Not every conversation will go smoothly, and that is okay.
- It is okay to say you are not sure what to say, but that you care
- You can suggest taking a break and coming back to the conversation later
- If you are worried about someone’s safety, encourage them to seek extra support
You do not have to have all the answers. Listening and showing care is often enough.
Resources
Here are some tips and support from other organisations that you may find useful.
Samaritans – TALK Tips. Tips to help you open up and talk about how you are feeling.
NHS Every Mind Matters – How to talk about your mental health. Includes when to talk to someone, planning what to say, and how to start the conversation.
Mind – How to Open Up About Your Mental Health. Find a way of communicating that feels right for you, use simple conversation starters, and talk to someone you trust.
